I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
