Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
