I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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