does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
