I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
