i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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