I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
