Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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