i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
