I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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