I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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