then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
