I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
