he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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