well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
