i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize