i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
