took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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