so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
