Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
