just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
