I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
