youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
