Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
