went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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