i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
