plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
