Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
