He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
