she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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