So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
