oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
