margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
