i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i would punch a child for taco bell
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
