you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
