If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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