Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
