Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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