halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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