Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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