yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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