there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
