carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
