I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
