I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
