he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does one acquire holy water?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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