so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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