Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
