pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
