Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
