totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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