I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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