I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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