You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
