if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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