did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
