I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
