I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i now understand why vodka
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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