Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize