Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
