tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
