I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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