No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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