Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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