Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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