I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
