Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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