Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
