Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
