This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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