after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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