And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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